Aging

Well the worst has finally happened. The kind of thing that you think happens to others, but never to you. The kind of thing that makes a person question "why bad things happen to good people". That's right, the sighting of my very first (choke) gray hair.
This event comes on the heels of my 26th birthday. The one that catapults me into old age. Bye bye youth. I can no longer use the excuse "I was young and dumb". I can no longer brag about being in my early twenties. People will now expect me to have my whole life figured out, I'll even have to start acting all mature and stuff!
First it was the glasses, and now gray hair. Next gravity will take it's toll on certain unmentionable body parts. Hell I even got a letter from AARP, I guess I better go prepare my bucket list! I'm not so worried about visiting Egypt, backpacking through Spain or skydiving, I prefer to get my affairs in order. I need to:
• Trick some rich man into marrying me so I can become the housewife I’ve always aspired to be
• Learn to cook and clean to lure in said man
• Be nicer to my friends so they’ll take me in if I scare future rich husband off
• Freeze a couple of eggs just in case previous tasks take longer than expected
• Schedule consultation with plastic surgeon
• Rethink Botox

I know it may be weird that I got all this just from one stupid gray hair, but the truth is I'm terrified of aging. Life is so short and there never seems to be enough time to do all the things you thought you'd do when you "grew up". Any other quarter/mid life crises out there? Ever have plans for your life that just didn't happen? Please share, I'm a petty person and misery loves company!

Facebook Pet Peeves

Facebook used to be a social networking site for college students. In order to become a member, you needed a legitimate college email address. And now, well I get friend requests from people’s grandparents and baby cousins. I don’t really have a problem with opening it up to more people, but I will admit to sometimes yearning for the facebook of yore. These days there’s more drama on facebook than on an old rerun of the Jerry Springer show. And since I'm the type of girl who’s delusional enough to think my opinion matters, I’m going to give you my three biggest facebook pet peeves for the sake of changing the habits of at least one social networker…

Being Harrassed via IM and Inbox
Facebook is NOT match.com people! It is not the place to meet the next love of your life. Stop sending me flirty instant messages and stop inboxing me to say what a wonderful and beautiful person you think I am. While I normally have no problem taking compliments, when it’s done via facebook it comes across as creepy. If I didn’t find you attractive in high school and/or college, surely I won’t now. This type of harassment also includes being befriended by a complete stranger; after I deny you the first two times, please stop trying! This behavior is not acceptable and I will no longer hesitate to block and/or report you to Mr. Facebook.

Stop trying to save my soul via your status
I’d like to preface this by saying how much I love Jesus and that he is my Lord and personal savior. With that being said, nothing irks me more than reading a post from someone who curses out their baby daddy’s girlfriend one day and quotes the bible the next. It’s tacky and quite frankly very unbecoming. Plus, I’m pretty sure that being a hypocrite is frowned on in the bible...

Facebook Postings
I’ll put this one in list form to make it short and sweet:
• Updating your status more than 3 times a day
• Using profanity and/or vulgarity anywhere on facebook
• The misuse of words such as their, they’re and there anywhere on facebook
• Adding LOL to the end of everything you write
• Using too many acronyms in a post
• Talking about the personal life of yourself and/or others in your status
• Posting pictures of yourself in the bathroom mirror with the caption “me”
• Bragging about material possessions anywhere on facebook

Please remember I only judge because I care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL Etiquette

This acronym is really overused and starting to drive me crazy. Let me tell you what I see when I send you an email or text and this is your response:
“I have no clever retort so…”LOL”
“This is the nicest way I know to end this conversation so...”LOL”
I would honestly rather you not respond at all. "LOL" should only be used when someone has said something funny and you are in fact “laughing out loud”, or at the very least chuckling…
Also, please don’t make a statement and include “LOL” in it. Let others decide if what you are saying is actually funny (this comment applies mainly to facebook status). I’ll give you a quick and easy example:
“I can’t sleep LOL”
Nothing about this statement is funny, unless of course your insomnia is causing delirium…
My final “LOL” woe is people who make mean comments and then add “LOL” at the end. I understand that sometimes people are being facetious and don’t want to come off the wrong way, but more than likely your statement is how you feel, but you are hiding behind “LOL”. This is called being passive aggressive (If I posted examples of this behavior, it would only further infuriate me)
So dear readers, whenever you are about to use this acronym please ask yourself, “Is this in fact Laugh out Loud worthy, or does it at the very least warrant a smile?

Glasses

Turns out the "in" thing to do is see your local optometrist, so I decided to follow suit and schedule my own appointment. Big mistake!! After several invasive eye tests (I'm weird about eye touching and probing), I learned that I don't have glacoma, I probably don't have an eye or brain tumor, but lucky for me I have an astigmatism (thanks to everyone who pointed out that it's not "a stigmatism", it's an "astigmatism"). Obviously I was devastated by this news. After 25 years of enjoying (and bragging about) perfect 20/20, my vision had been compromised by old age. Against my better judgement, I decided not to get a second opinion (even though I felt I could see just fine) and embrace glasses. For those of you struggling with the same decision, here is Shee's list of pros and cons:

Pros:
-you look smart
-people take you seriously
-if you wear them while watching tv, you get the experience of high definition television (unless you're already rich enough to experience such luxuries)
-once blurry objects now make more sense

Cons:
-you spend more time cleaning them than actually wearing them
-you spend more time pushing them up on your nose than actually wearing them
-you look like a nerd
-you start to rely on them way too much
-you see things and people more clearly than necessary (please keep nose hairs trimmed!)


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